Who Experience Epp?
December 7, 2023
A few months ago, a friend was looking for a career coach to help them decide on the next stage of their career.
So I went to Google to search for some Nigerian coaches. Checked out Twitter, Facebook and Instagram too to see if I’d see a professional I could recommend.
My search was a major learning point for me.
I saw career coaches without careers. Like, I went through the experience list and I couldn’t find anything that would inspire me to put implicit faith in them to guide my friend or me correctly.
What that means is that you’d simply be putting an important next step in your life in the hands of someone that has had no experience navigating or living that life.
I’d call it riduculous. Or, a better term could be “fraud”.
It’s the same way we’ve seen life coaches that are just starting life and marriage counsellors that have never been married. Never even had a relationship longer than 1 year. Low blow, I know. 🧐
Anyone can teach you how to act when you’re face to face with a bear. Be calm. Make yourself look bigger. Don’t run. Don’t look at it straight in the eye. Don’t this, don’t that.
But the act of facing that bear outside of theories is a different scenario that you have to have experienced to be able to properly guide someone else.
Reminds me of a story I heard on how to kill a python (or cobra, can’t remember) if it faced you.
I was a child then, so some crazy mofo said if you are ever faced by a python, don’t run, let it swallow you leg-first.
Then when your thigh is almost in, fold your knee to block its throat and then use your knife to cut its mouth open and slit it all the way down.
Easy peasy. 😀
I went around for weeks looking for a python that’d have the audacity to try to swallow me.
Luckily for my mother, Iya Ibeji, I never found one. I mean, I was a 9, 10-year old. It goes without saying that the snake would have used me and my knife as delicious snack.
But I digress, as I’m known to do… 🤭
In life, I’ve learnt that it’s important that those you choose to guide you have actual experiences and not theoretical ones.
Whether it’s with mentors, life coaches, career coaches, relationship advisors… defer to pros, or figure your own shit out.
The most popular of these types of advice I’ve seen exists on social media with relationships and marriages.
There’s the Joro to Joro and Agony Aunt advisees. I’ve always wondered how hard life must be to leave important decisions about your relationship in the hands of strangers you don’t know.
These people come online and take marital advice from an unmarried person because they are popular. Because they have 1 million followers on Instagram or because they fight for women’s rights.
Am I suddenly smarter than you because I have more followers than you?
Does someone know your marriage better than you because they say female rights must be respected?
Unless it’s marketing or you’re younger and you’re asking for guidance on something I’ve experienced at your age, I am just figuring out life just like you and you shouldn’t take my word as law just because I have more followers on social media than you do.
I can wake up tomorrow and if I see life through new lenses, I’ll shift from my earlier stand and move on with my life.
If you’ve taken my word as law on areas I am not a professional, that’s your problem to deal with.
My social media pages, my newsletter and blog are places where I air my opinions. Unless it’s about marketing or professional life, it’s just my opinion and if you key into it, good. If not, good. If I shift tomorrow, I don’t owe you an apology and I will laugh at you if you demand one. 🤝
Circling back to the marital advice from unmarried people, no matter how much smooth talk and gaslighting is involved, you should not take marital advice from an unmarried person and you should not take relationship advice from someone that isn’t a professional that’s gone through it just because they have large followership or fight for women’s right.
It’s ridiculous that this even needs to be said.
I’m sorry, but fighting/standing for women’s rights doesn’t confer on people some magical wisdom to know how to manage people’s marriages or relationships.
It would look ridiculous if a student activist that protested your potential expulsion from the University tried to tell you how to act towards your partner in a relationship or in your marriage, but for some reason, social media normalises that level of insanity.
That’s why we see gaslighting attempts around “You can’t tell unmarried people not to have advise/opinions to share about marriages”. Of course married people can tell you to shut up about being an authority on a life you’ve never lived.
I mean, even if you have Bsc, Masters, PhD and everything with no job experience, companies won’t hire you to lead their team because no matter the theory you’ve been able to master, without actual experience in that role, living that life and experiencing it yourself, you aren’t really qualified to lead others through that process.
Because there are scenarios you’ll come across that your PhD, MBA and other certificates haven’t prepared you for, no matter how thorough your learning was.
The summary of this is that you should carefully pick who you allow to coach or influence you.
Anything outside of marketing, I’m just here sharing my unprofessional opinion, not trying to be your guide.
If you put your career or life in the hands of a coach that hasn’t lived the life, you’re on your own.
And no, if you’re not married, you don’t know enough to advice married people, no matter how many gaslighting tricks you pull. 😏
Your Peaceful Friend,